We live in a world saturated with selection. Not only has the human race been inundated with so many specs, versions and variations; now, it also has assimilated the anxiety of making the wrong choices and thus postponing the decision-making process until a “better” deal comes along.

Which, by the by, renders the poor homo sapien sapiens unhappy, dissatisfied and disgruntled with his lot in life. The truth is that people who have worked hard for their keep and comfort–oppression and unfair class standards notwithstanding–live in a far better time than neanderthals and people in the dark ages. See this article.

I point you to two pieces worth reading: this article and Sonnet 29.

Life is short. Curb your enthusiasm for fire-and-brimstone doom.

This link to why really smart men are lousy at dating women does not — I repeat, does NOT — come from an authoritative website. However, the points enumerates therein seem plausible. Have a look at the article here, and forget about the last part which contains an e-book for downloading.

Here’s an article about intelligent women and their bad choices: cruel men.

Finally, a page featuring the work of three sisters who wrote about (and loved) cruel men. You guessed it: Meet the Brontes!

Every person we meet in this world is accorded a number of hours, sometimes minutes, in which we can be happy with him or her. As the reminder goes, “What’s important is that we be happy during the time we’re together.”

But what if things go awry as the hours drag on? Or what if one cannot stand the other’s company for more than two hours?

The solution, then, is to time your company!

If you know you cannot, for the sake of good company and a cheerful time together, spend more than two hours together without getting into a row, then by all means, take your leave after two hours!

Take charge of your life, woman! Maximise happiness time!

You could not possibly have enough time for every single person you meet; therefore, the people whom you should spend the most time with are those with whom you hardly quarrel, precisely because you mesh well together.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch is a story about a young, beautiful East German boy whose mother castrated him in order to get him out of East Germany. How, do you ask? As a sudden “woman,” he was wed (again, arranged by his mother) to a homosexual, paedophilic American GI who happened to lurk around the Berlin wall in search for some “candy”. Abandoned by his GI husband, Hedwig starts a band, makes it big in the trucker-filled 24-hour diner circuit and eventually falls in love with a young folk guitarist named Tommy. The precocious and manipulative Tommy become famous through Hedwig’s compositions, and eventually eclipses Hedwig in the fame department. At the end of the film, we find Hedwig walking naked, androgynous, into a dark alley, neither homosexual nor heterosexual, but just as he is.

He ends his part on screen in search of someone who will love him just as he is.

In Breakfast on Pluto, young Irish actor Cillian Murphy plays a transvestite in search of his mother, who supposedly looks like a famous ’50s film star. In the end, he does find his mother (and father, too), but chooses not to reveal his identity to her. His karmic reward, however, for not “rocking the boat” so to speak, is suddenly acquiring a family.

The heterosexual transvestite finds two people who shall love him just as he is.

Any woman wants to be loved just as she is.

And Bridget Jones is a lucky britch.

Think you’re in the doldrums because you’re not dating anyone? Get a dopamine surge here.

Interesting quote: “A brand new person briefly raises your dopamine more than a familiar partner, however loving.” The operative word: briefly. 

No paper heart-strings attached, if an encounter be your recourse.

The same link describes the “coolidge effect,” a known behaviour in male rats. Rats, mind, not human beings.

I was slighted some few days ago by a person who couldn't think of anyone's success except hers that it was so difficult a task for her to utter the word, "GREAT" versus the obligatory word "good".

Here's an article from Psychology Today about how to make amends.

Especially those one should make to oneself. No one need endure anything not worth one's while, especially the unimportant details we can all fritter away as easily as saying "Goodbye."

Adieu, faux bon femme.

It's quite interesting how an article like this–an article that claims to solve the male-female non-verbal MIScommunication puzzle–is published in a Pakistani newspaper. Well, it must serve for some cultural foregrounding for non-Europeans and non-Britons who need to interact with them on a regular basis.

Here's an excerpt from a stub from the Social Issues Research Centre website on flirting:

Evening Herald – 13.12.2003
Turning yourself into a festive flirting sensation. Kate Fox, of the Social Issues Research Centre in Oxford, says that anthropological research has shown there is flirting of some kind in every culture in the world. The author of a flirting guide for Martini, Fox says: "Flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature. "It's not surprising – if we didn't initiate contact and express interest in members of the opposite sex, we would not progress to reproduction, and the human species would become extinct." (emphasis mine) But if flirting is instinctive, why do we need tips? Fox says it's because flirting is governed by a complex set of unwritten laws of etiquette, dictating where, when, with whom and how we flirt.

A big thanks to our ancient female ancestor who chose to and initiated the practice of flirting, thereby making the human race flourish the way it has.

Kate Fox of the Social Issues Research Centre at Oxford is the author of the book Watching the English. Her chapter on "courtesy flirting" is eye-opening.

Now I know why some of the English abhor people who are too, too earnest.

Related articles below:

• Secrets of women's flirting revealed - This left me dumbfounded, especially when I realised that I can be accused of such behaviour. I can't help myself – I'm really like this!
• A summary of the first two chapters of The Anatomy of Love by Helen Fisher
• The Biology of Attraction – Note: an American publication, which makes the statement about human beings as monogamous still contentious; other social scientists like Geoffrey Miller would disagree
• Five Non-Verbal Sexual Cueing Secrets - This is where men would most likely go to for flirting advice

It's quite fun, actually, the prelude to seduction. Just the prelude, mind, and for as long as both players know and understand that the exchange is all wordplay between Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh.

Courtesy flirting 101. Let's take one example. The scene is at a bar, and a stunning woman walks in, and a friend of hers wants to compliment her but does so with innuendo:

Him: You look so gorgeous I'm going to eat you in that dress.

Her: So WEAR my dress, and THEN eat me.

Something like this would probably get a laugh from the boys, and shut Clark Gable up.

I no longer understand why I seemed to cling to all that angry feminist, man-hating dogma when I was in my teens. Picture this scenario:

Woman makes her way out of a building via a narrow corridor. She realises she hasn't enough money and thus needs to withdraw cash from the ATM across the street. Man is late for the party and is just about to enter. Man and Woman bump into each other in that narrow, narrow corridor.

Him: (blocks Her way) So, where do you think you're going?

Her: To the bank. I need some cash for drinks.

Him: If I don't see you up there at the party tonight, I'm never speaking to you again.

Her: There's always the phone. (She inches her way out slowly; he gives way slowly; some interesting body parts touch here and there - she giggles secretly, for this is no scenario for a schoolgirl.)

Him: Mark my words, young lady. If you go, I'm letting you go.

Her: We'll see about that.

She walks away. Then she turns slightly to check if he's watching her, and he is! So she keeps her head looking front to play hard-to-get.

The spiel is fiction, of course. Never mind if they never see each other again. The fun is in the quibble that feels like a scene jumping out of a movie.

Your very own independent film or reality TV show in medias res.

A quote from English novelist Julian Barnes:

"Don't misunderstand me. I'm not one of those women who 'likes to be dominated.' The idea of a man storming into my life and taking control and sorting me out is not one of my fantasies. I'd rather sort myself out. And I don't like bullies, or defer to them. I'm talking about something different, about that moment when someone is suddenly there, and says, without using the words, 'It's me. It's you. That's all there is to say.' As if some vast truth is being guessed at before your eyes, and all you have to do is reply. 'Yes, I think it's true too.'

Not all guys cherish the eternity of romantic moments when such things are said. Some of them shift their gaze and look askance while cracking a joke; others make silly faces to ruin the moment.

At times, I wish they would just hold it and establish the connection. Perhaps one has watched too many chick flicks. Then again, maybe men are scared of being vulnerable, too.

In any case, the excerpt is taken from Barnes' Love, Etc. which is a sequel to Talking It Over.

Here's an essay about the male gaze, (le regard) as coined by French psychoanalytical intellectual Jacques Lacan. Do females gaze with the same objectifying intent? This essay explores the issue. And when women gaze at men, how do they purportedly think? Lacan's student Julia Kristeva collects some thoughts.

Forget about who's looking. Notes on the gaze by Daniel Chandler here.

Here's a movie worth watching:

The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio

It stars Julianne Moore and Woody Harrelson.

Based on a true story, this is a narrative told by a fifties' housewife who wrote prize-winning jingles to support 10 kids and a short-tempered drunkard for a husband.

The original novel was written by Terry Ryan, one of the 10 kids.

Here are some tips on how to become the perfect wife. and here's a parody. Make of these links as you will.

My grandmother used to say, "Make use of all the advice you can get from your age and from the ages." Outdated or not, side by side Three Guineas, That Feminine Mystique and The Second Sex on my shelf are the following books:

1. The Art of the Table by Baroness Suzanne von Drachenfels

2. Etiquette by Emily Post, or any edition of her letters, dining, style and entertainment books

3. anything by Edith Wharton, and ESPECIALLY, The Age of Innocence.

Based on the *wisdom* of the above-listed books, including Woolf, Friedan and de Beauvoir, I've devised this list of "grandmotherly" advice:

Horses sweat, while ladies glisten. (Thank you, Andy.)

Work as hard as you must, but let your achievement look effortless. (Roughly by Baltasar Gracian)

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." – Eleanor Roosevelt

"Curtsy while you're thinking of something to say. It saves time." – Lewis Carroll. My idea of a curtsy is a modest but firm handshake upon introductions. )

Babies cry, while ladies dab their eye. (Something Edith Wharton would have told me, I suppose.)

NO MORE TEARS – says every Johnson's Baby Shampoo bottle.

P.S. I have one more book missing; my grandmother gave it to me when I was ten, because she didn't want to talk to me about puberty or relationships. I suppose she didn't know how and wasn't about to consult "modern-day" guides; or perhaps she wanted me to find out for myself. Anyway, the book is called FRANKLY FEMININE, and it seems to be out of print. It's a hard-bound book that contains everything from dresses, stitches, table- and flatware to handling relationships. I lent it to a "boyish" friend of mine back in Grade 6, but she never gave it back to me. If you ever find an olive-green hardbound book with the same title at Book Sale or any second-hand book store, please buy it for me, and I'll pay you back. Thank you.