A miscarriage, or spontaneous abortion, happens during the first trimester of a woman’s pregnancy. Sometimes,  a woman can be so busy or preoccupied with so many things that it would be hard to spot the changes in her body. The way I failed to spot it…

So after one “wild night,” the next day went bloody all over. I was changing pads like an incontinent baby, perhaps, around 16 that day. The blood just kept going from the moment I woke up, having stained my bed linen and dripped all over.

Worst of all, and my own sister would confirm this, is that the pain is the sharpest, most excruciating pain a woman could feel in her abdomen. However, if the woman has a high threshold for pain, the symptom may be presumed dysmenorrhea, or menstrual cramps.

That was what I thought, for I had just stopped going to pilates and yoga classes a week before.

By the time I realised what was happening to me–chills, shivers, sweat and a slight fever included–it was far too late in the night to visit a doctor. Getting the chills and a slight fever is the body’s reaction to any foreign object that may cause an inflammation or infection in the body; the worst kind of infection in the uterus is sepsis. Sepsis occurs when a spontaneous abortion is incomplete; that is, when there are traces of the expended fetus remaining in the uterus.

To ensure that the uterus is free of any sepsis-causing organism, a woman needs to undergo what people call a “D&C,” the acronym of dilation and curettage. The procedure is similar to what women undergo when they have elected to abort a fetus.

It took me a while to realise that the chunk that was expended into the toilet bowl was “it”. It was no bigger than a human fist, just like the heart.

It would have been my second child. Right now, though, I find it hard to talk about it–even with my husband.

Here's a movie worth watching:

The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio

It stars Julianne Moore and Woody Harrelson.

Based on a true story, this is a narrative told by a fifties' housewife who wrote prize-winning jingles to support 10 kids and a short-tempered drunkard for a husband.

The original novel was written by Terry Ryan, one of the 10 kids.

Here are some tips on how to become the perfect wife. and here's a parody. Make of these links as you will.

My grandmother used to say, "Make use of all the advice you can get from your age and from the ages." Outdated or not, side by side Three Guineas, That Feminine Mystique and The Second Sex on my shelf are the following books:

1. The Art of the Table by Baroness Suzanne von Drachenfels

2. Etiquette by Emily Post, or any edition of her letters, dining, style and entertainment books

3. anything by Edith Wharton, and ESPECIALLY, The Age of Innocence.

Based on the *wisdom* of the above-listed books, including Woolf, Friedan and de Beauvoir, I've devised this list of "grandmotherly" advice:

Horses sweat, while ladies glisten. (Thank you, Andy.)

Work as hard as you must, but let your achievement look effortless. (Roughly by Baltasar Gracian)

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." – Eleanor Roosevelt

"Curtsy while you're thinking of something to say. It saves time." – Lewis Carroll. My idea of a curtsy is a modest but firm handshake upon introductions. )

Babies cry, while ladies dab their eye. (Something Edith Wharton would have told me, I suppose.)

NO MORE TEARS – says every Johnson's Baby Shampoo bottle.

P.S. I have one more book missing; my grandmother gave it to me when I was ten, because she didn't want to talk to me about puberty or relationships. I suppose she didn't know how and wasn't about to consult "modern-day" guides; or perhaps she wanted me to find out for myself. Anyway, the book is called FRANKLY FEMININE, and it seems to be out of print. It's a hard-bound book that contains everything from dresses, stitches, table- and flatware to handling relationships. I lent it to a "boyish" friend of mine back in Grade 6, but she never gave it back to me. If you ever find an olive-green hardbound book with the same title at Book Sale or any second-hand book store, please buy it for me, and I'll pay you back. Thank you.

A few months after giving birth to my daughter, I decided to get out of the house for a few hours on Saturday afternoon to attend a bellydancing class here. My back suffered from chronic pain, and I wasn't about to drown myself in painkillers the whole time.

After four sessions, I felt flexible again. Perhaps I should sign up for a new class again.

More on the art of belly dancing. Here's an article enumerating its health benefits per muscle group. Here's another article that discusses a study conducted at the University of Worcester about its health benefits.

I would like to post an article illustrating how belly dancing prevents sciatica, as soon as I find it online. 

Women who have undergone multiple births are prone to miscarriage. When a woman loses her child by spontaneous abortion, most doctors prescribe a routine procedure called dilation and curettage, or D&C.

The purpose of a D&C is to remove all remaining foetal tissue in the womb so that infections may not occur.

A D&C is also the same procedure used to perform a *real* abortion.

Some women take too long in getting this procedure done when they've lost their child during the first trimester. Others insist on keeping the foetus in a jar filled with formaldehyde when the body has expelled it.

Women have many options these days to avoid miscarrying, or the unwanted pregnancy in the first place. Here is the list.

If you're on the pill, please don't forget to follow the instructions to the letter.

One can save the life of a potential child in two ways: by having it, or by not conceiving in the first place.

Pardon the didacticism here, but this part is for my sister.

Some first-time mothers have chosen to give birth via Caesarean method, instead of vaginal delivery. Besides the comfort of not having to feel pain, there is also the added comfort of being able to return to one's sexual relations without the problems of a wider vagina–which, to some men, won't be a good development.

My birth plan, in a nutshell: vaginal delivery, with an epidural, while fully conscious. I trusted my Kegs; not beer kegs, by the way. The advantage of having the walls tear naturally is that they heal faster and regain elasticity. (My source: an Annerley Midwives' seminar during my antenatal class at the Matilda)

So how do you strengthen your pelvic muscles? Throug Kegel exercises. A definition here. A further explanation of the exercises is here. You can always attend a yoga, pilates or stretching class in your neighborhood as well. Where I live, this particular pilates class is the most effective, I am told.

And what if your beau still can't find your "hot spots," and not with his wireless broadband connection, okay? Read this excerpt from Desmond Morris' book.

I'll try to look for a source by a woman. Stay tuned.

Can phytoestrogens really prevent osteoporosis? Have you been drinking lots of calcium lately, in capsule form or milk alike? How much calcium do you really need when pregnant? What's wrong with having too much soy, anyway?

Read this re-assessment of phytoestrogens by Kate Neil here.

Here's the catch: A high-calcium diet (usually amongst first-time pregnant mothers) leads to the formation of gall stones. Should the stone be small enough not to be detected by an x-ray, a woman would not realise that her "tummy ache" would already be a symptom of  gallbladder inflammation.

In September 2003, I chose to "go under" twice, with general anaesthesia shots on two consecutive days, to get my gallbladder taken out. This procedure is called a cholecystectomy.

I did this against my doctor's recommendation, since he told me to go home and take a month off. Imagine how many brain cells may have died, or how many IQ points I may have lost! (It's not that bad, really; my IQ went down by one point.)

Let's just say that if I listened to my doctor, I would not be alive today. The x-rays didn't reveal where the stone was and why my gallbladder was inflamed. My doctor just told me to go home.

But I said I wanted to get this hospital stay overwith.

Two years later, a friend tells me a story of how her uncle suffered a similar illness and DID go home to rest for a week. Three days later, after vomiting bile and everything he would ingest, the inflammation killed him.

There's one more reason to count the days of your menstrual cycle besides figuring out when to expect your next menstrual period:

It's to find out when you're ovulating.

This squib in an Indian newspaper explains why a woman would be attracted to a dashing, masculine-looking fellow when she would otherwise be happy with her "normal"-looking guy. Read on.